i'm on a sidequest.....

[.86]

2009-10-13T01:35:51Z

I think I totally want to get married some day.

[.84]

2009-09-25T00:54:23Z

I ventured out to Retropolis here in Houston, after reading a bunch of good reviews about it (that followed awful reviews for the Buffalo Exchange on Westheimer...it's true, they suck).

I walked in and it was tiny, an old wooden door and whatnot, and a skinny front part of the store.
And I figured oh, this is cute, there must be tons jammed into these few square feet.
And then you pass the counter,
and voila!
A staircase leading a to a second floor packed full of vintage items.
My heart started to beat so hard I thought it was going to burst out.

After digging through the piles of clothes, scarves, gloves, and purses, I left with a purse for 18$ (that came from an estate after someone's mother passed away) and an XL sweater with sequin collar for 17.50$(about three sizes too big, but after it fell off the hanger into my arms, it was mine.).
I told the two lovely ladies at the counter about my heart bursting out of my chest
and they laughed and one told me "You have the fever."

Oh it's true, I can't believe I didn't pass out with how overwhelmed with excitement and happiness.
It was so exhilarating. I almost wanted to cry.
I loved it. And I will be going back the moment I get paid again.
I can't wait.

End.

[.83]

2009-09-21T02:10:46Z

Why the hell do my neighbors have their television on so loud?! I am about 85% sure they live in an efficiency like I do, meaning even when they eat and shit, they're pretty much in front of their television. So they have no actual need to have the volume raised so loud.
I wish they would get a hobby that doesn't involve reruns of the original Law and Order and I quote from the other side of the wall, "Getting wasted on Jagermeister."
Oddly enough, they're also the ones that are awake at five a.m. on the weekends listening to a classic rock station loud enough for me to hear all the lyrics...
Awful.
So awful.
Another strange tidbit, is that they'll turn the t.v. off, walk around (excuse me, STAMP around), and then turn it back on.
I want to cut them in their sleep...
Maybe my next move should be into a complex?
Though I can imagine missing the quaintness of just a tiny unit place (mine is just a 12 unit building).
Maybe a duplex instead, that way you know EXACTLY which idiot it is.
We'll see.
I still have until May.

September seventeenth marked my one year anniversary at Half Price Books. Judy told me that I could expect my one year evaluation this week, so yay.
I'm crossing my fingers that it's a sweet eval, and not one where they let out all the things you've been doing wrong, but have failed to tell you about. Instead waiting until they got you in one space for more than ten minutes to bombard you with them, and then giving you owl eyes with their
"Oh, we didn't make you aware?"
Haha, you know what I'm talking about.
Anyway, it better be good, I want a raise please.
I have bills to pay and...useless things to buy.

Speaking of useless things!
What happened to all the cute people wearing jeans nowadays?
Am I missing them or something? It seems like...jeans lost their souls somewhere here, and they're just so versatile! A neutral practically! I enjoy them because you can't see my skinny legs and bony knees.
Yet, every time I see someone in a pair, it seems like they're stuck in awful mom jeans.
Or nut-huggers. I mean, I like a guys in a good fitting pair of pants, but not when they're so tight they hurt the testicles I don't have.
It's like wearing workout clothes as your outfit. NO. DON'T DO IT. PUT ON SOMETHING ELSE PLEASE. FOR MY EYES.
I grow nauseous seeing cottage like dimpled ass cheeks hanging violently out of workout shorts in public places. It's just as frowned upon to me as seeing nipples in the mall. Don't do it. It hurts me on the inside.
I mean really, who doesn't check out their ass before they leave the house?
I do.

Have to clean.
The End.

[.82]

2009-09-10T23:56:14Z

Love this, she's so cute and big now. Crawling and climbing and making real life human motions. I enjoy the moments when I get to see her.
She's lovely.
Lovely Lily.

Anyway, repairs on my car are sort of financially screwing me right now. But I think the stress relief of having the starter replaced, will be worth the price I'll be having to pay come tomorrow.
Stupid starter, I suppose I can live off of 89 cent burritos from Taco Bell for the next couple of weeks... at least they're delicious. Mm!

Relatively days have been slow and uneventful, that and I've never really updated this thing regularly.
Ah.
Such is life.

The End.

[.81]

2009-09-05T06:39:18Z

Thursday was Bear's and my six month mark.
We sort of celebrated with him showing up, presenting me with lovely roses followed by sexual activity out the wazoo.
Out the wazoo man.
Out of it.
I am convinced that he researches positions, because there is always something new, and sometimes something bizarre.
I ached all over Friday at work because of it.
At least I enjoy it all, and I really enjoy that fact that I can laugh. I get the crazy laughter during sex, I think it's the physical activity and how exuberant I feel. With the Doctor, I always felt like I wanted it to be over because I was never getting off.
Seriously.
I think it happened twice. Awful. I am grateful that Daniel actually knows something, no matter if he did have to research it or whatever. Research away folks! As long as it feels good, who the hell cares how you came across it really?

And strange! Half a year! Six months, and while I feel like, I've accomplished something (I did move out after all and buy my own car), it still feels like with six months, roughly 180 days, some other sort of headway should have been made.
That's my fault of course, I am seriously lacking in the motivational department. I don't seem to find the desire to always be up and moving. And I mean that figuratively.
Or well, literally as well.
My next short term goals are :
- Save up the bones for school in the Spring.
- Actively partake in something uber creative.
- Gain another ten pounds at least.
All easily reachable, you know, with the proper application of a cattle prod to my butt.
I'll try!
As far as the creative bit, a half joke at starting a band took a serious turn at work. Lizz and I figure I can't completely screw up a couple of notes on the keyboard (I used to know Greensleeves!), or we can record something and play it as I pretend to pound away at the keys.
No one will be the wiser.
And if they should happen to find out, I will exclaim, "what a fantastic actor I must be because you were all fooled for years!"
Assuming it takes them years to figure it out...and not, you know, half a minute.
There's also the knitting I sort of took up and the t shirt alterations.

My co-worker Jason asked why Lizz and I just don't get paid to take photos.

Because.
That nonsense is tiring! And just having to find someone to dress up and sit for you? And then take tons of photos? That's why I never returned to art school fool, I didn't want something like that to become tedious as a career. I think it will always remain just a hobby.
Like, "you look cute, RIGHT THERE, HOLD THAT POSE."
Half-spontaneous.
And I say that because, entirely spontaneous pictures are not really something I want dominating my photo albums for random nostalic viewing.
I want, "Aw how cute, that half smile and nonchalant shrug."
Not, "Who is that weirdo with one eye rolled back and the drool from his chin?"

Ah, the end, because it's time for bed.

[.80]

2009-08-28T05:50:19Z

Uh-mazing. I had one major stress relieved all in one day.

I woke up early this morning (considering the time I went to bed) and opened up my laptop to do a quick search on craigslist.
I was upset that it was so near the end of August, and I had yet to find a car. I spotted one listing, that was pretty cheap, average miles, running A/C and so I somehow got it into my head to see it. After a few phone calls I made the plan to pick up my mother and drive out to see it.
Given that it wasn't so far from where my dad lived, I figured if I liked it and he's the one going to pay for it,
he could stop by after work or on the weekend to take a look.
Except, we got there
and drove it
and I really liked it. So did my mom. It drove well, the tires were new, the folks selling it were mechanics, so it was well maintained. And at the price, I made a couple of other phone calls, and hurrah, we bought it. The last hour and a half before actually handing over the money was pretty hectic. I had to drive to pick up the $ from my dad, and cash the check (in a bare ten minutes before they closed the lobby!), and drive back.
But all was well. And all continued to go well, until something weird happened once we arrived back home and the damn key wouldn't come out of the ignition.
God!
SO AWFUL.
We kept calling the guy explaining that the damn thing wouldn't come out of the damn ignition.
Alas, after some major analyzing, I FIGURED IT OUT. AHAHA. Take that awful key monster!

Win.

So, woohoo, I have a car and I no longer have to use my stepdad's, it makes me feel crazy relieved that in one day I accomplished it, and now I don't have to worry about driving his car off an overpass or into a bayou.
Or school.
Because you never know what can happen when you just aren't paying attention...
:D

Ahh. Tomorrow night is Pitbull at the Roxy. I'm excited.
Prior to today I had heard about a show here in Houston, but hadn't paid much attention.
And then on the radio today they were talking about an after party being held at the Roxy after the show at Verizon (Pitbull, Paradiso Girls, and LMFAO).
So of course,
I have to go.
Not to the show, if I want to see Pitbull, I'll pay less to see him minus the current one hit wonder openers. But to the after party. Ee. I'm a nerd. It's not like I'm a dirty whore who's going to go and dance to have sex with someone.
I want to go to dance because I have a super major crush on Pitbull and his dirty, raunchy lyrics and Spanish.
Sometimes I'm ghetto, and it's okay, I'm clean looking and don't dress like a slut. So it's usually a quiet, sneaky ghetto.
Sly Ghetto!

End because it's time for bed.

[.79]

2009-08-25T05:48:12Z

Ah, is anyone else a major fan of Miyazaki? I have yet to see Ponyo, but I enjoy being able to see the movies regularly, unfortunately I don't have a copy of Kiki's Delivery Service, but alas, that is what Amazon is for.
Ah, Amazon, I will be buying many items off of you come my paycheck next week.
(daydreams)
Oh! Or the bonus that should be coming this week, if they would get their acts together.
Dammit. Where are you bonus check with either your amazing amount of extra money, or slightly more than lame amount of extra money?
I have things to buy with you. Mostly useless things, but things I want nonetheless.

I've heard rumors that it'll be on the light side because of all the new stores that have been opening up lately. Boob.

So how necessary is it to have a good dose of honesty in a relationship exactly? I mean, of course there should be a certain level of truth and whatnot, but shouldn't there be a line and a limit to it as well? Maybe I'm wrong and you should tell your significant other lots of little things. But personally I think that there is nothing wrong with keeping things to yourself.
Bear decided to tell me that he has had a couple of crushes for a few years and when I asked him why he told me,
he said "honesty."
But really, did I need to know that?
Sure I appreciate it and everything, but I still feel like we could have gone on in our relationship without that information. Maybe I would have asked him later, but I feel like sometimes you just need to keep some info nicely locked up inside your head.
Thanks.
Maybe I'm a little upset, and it's mostly because now I feel like I need to divulge in some tiny information.
I don't want to divulge! I want to keep inside! Like I normally do, is that an issue?
Is that a problem?
Ugh.
I like keeping things to myself! There's no need for everyone to know every little thing, that's just ridiculous.

And in conclusion,
I think I need have a thrift day, I'm full of tiny little bits of stress that I'm going to try to prevent from manifesting into just plain ugly nastiness. Lately I've had two outbursts towards Bear, it's awful.
I don't mean to be so mean, I just get overwhelmed so quickly.
I think a nice day of shopping and scouring through piles and racks of sweet old clothes
would definitely make me feel better.
Oh, and since I've recently discovered that old acquaintance that lives in the area, we have the possibility to go thrifting together, as she is a major thrifter/do-it-herselfer and enjoys that feeling of finding something amazing.
Ah, it's like winning a tiny lottery when you find that piece that either fits amazing, looks amazing, or you can alter to make it amazing.
It's also spectacular that I live in a pretty trendy area here in Houston, so there are thrift stores galore around here, and usually they provide some really nice items, both name brand and vintage.
I'm excited.
And if we go next week I will have both my paycheck handy and my bonus check (at least I had better), so I can spend without feeling guilty.
Ahhh.

End.

[.78]

2009-08-17T04:07:15Z

I feel as if I haven't entirely situated myself in the new place yet.
It's like I just haven't put all the pieces of the puzzle together and I have them here, I just don't seem to come across the right moment to put it right.

It's disappointing and exciting at the same time.
Disappointing because I haven't made the effort to make my home, my home.
Exciting because I just keep collecting these pieces that I want to add, so when I do get the urge, I will have an exciting assortment to choose from.
And I know, things are just things, but I take pride in my things.
I only ever choose and buy things that make me feel comfortable and content, and yes, I believe you can find happiness in material items.
Why else would some people work hard to buy? I don't believe it's all to symbolize status, I am a firm believe that some people buy some things because they find them pleasant and they derive a good feeling from owning them.
Like I do.
I feel pleasure owning things that I feel are my style and do in fact represent a fraction of who I am.

And I know there are some people who would continue to argue with me, and I've met some of those people. But I don't care.
I enjoy my things.

I found out that an old acquaintance of mine lives nearby,
I noticed the title of a photo in her flickr photostream, and I recognized it as a street just down the road from mine. So I asked, and she told me the cross streets and I'm pretty sure it's a three minute drive.
It's strange how close she is, and how I never knew it.
I actually think there are a lot of folks near me that I know, I just haven't taken the time to find.
It's sad, I'm so lazy.
I just can't help it sometimes. If I don't have amazing amounts of motivation, I refuse to get anything done.
I'm slowly breaking myself of the habit.

Like actually aiming to take classes this coming spring, it was originally fall but I don't have the funds to pay for it.
It always rubs me the wrong way thinking that, my parental unit never made any real effort to save to the side for any of us to go to college.
And there are two to my dad,
and my youngest sister has a different father, but either way, we're all sort of having to really concentrate on where to get the funds.
I think we'll be okay.
Although I am hoping that my dad will offer some $$ up after I make sad pathetic sounds on the telephone when I explain that I want to go to school.
Either way, I'll figure it out I'm sure.
:D

In the end, life is still sweet.

The End.

[.77]

2009-08-10T07:22:53Z

Have you ever watched the Sex and the City episode where Carrie is dating the jazz musician?
Season Four?
Episode 3 or 4 I think, reminds me of Dear Daniel my bear.
So perfectly.
And Carrie's response of "I hate to tell you this....but I don't like jazz." IS me.
I have yet to see the rest of this episode (it's playing as I type), so maybe I'll see the way that my relationship with Daniel will end.
Haha.
Only half joking...

(added 8/24 - she breaks up with him because he has ADD towards real life. hm.)

[.76]

2009-08-05T07:15:45Z

Without a scale I can't keep track of how much weight I've been putting on lately.
All I know is that my size 1s and 3s no longer fit as comfortable as they used too.
Which is a good thing, given how underweight I was, but is also a hassle because I have to go in search of finding new pants.
I'm not made of money dammit!

However I am pleased with this gain, I get comments from most of the folks from work that I look good filling out.
And the beau likes it of course, he says I don't look fat, I look healthy, but I don't think I could ever look fat.
I'm just not built for overweight action.
Maybe if I try really hard and eat lard straight out of a bucket.
Except that sounds really, really, REALLY awful.

I just banged the hell out of my hand on my coffee table.
Ridiculous!
I'm bleeding!

So I get to switch teams at work, from Brian's Raptor team to Mark's...no named team.
And although I view Brian as a friend, sometimes he's just a plain awful team leader, he lets things pile up and pile up and then works himself into a fit trying to get it all done.
If only he would delegate the minor things that need to be done, to the rest of us, it wouldn't be so bad.
But because two of the girls on Mark's team are losing a day of work to go to 32 hours instead of 40, and one of them is being given to our inventory manager as an assistant.
So our manager Judy called me in and asked if I would mind being switched.
And I sure as hell have complained mightily about Mark, I think I will find the team switch to be a welcome relief to the overwhelming feeling of not being able to get things done.
As is, for almost a year I have had the kid's section in the store, which isn't awful, except that I don't get much help and it's really three sections in one.
So I guess my dissatisfaction leaked to management.
I think I'll be taking over general reference, education, drama/poetry, memoirs, and humor.
Ahh, finally, something to my speed.
Seriously.
How much entertainment and knowledge can I get from putting kid's books up over and over?
About 2%.
And I hate 2% milk.

Anyway, these changes should occur starting next week, I'm excited.
Just when work was starting to lull, it gets all interesting and amazing.
Ahh.
Like some sort of action/adventure movie.

End!

[.75]

2009-08-02T00:32:20Z

Upon the invitation to a club this evening, I realized that I don't have outfits that I can automatically jump to for the occasion.
That disappoints me, I need to add to my wardrobe obviously.
It's like, I have the pieces but not the whole ensemble.
Not to say that my previous clubbing outfits have been epic fails, I looked pretty sweet the last time I went. And I must add, shorts are AMAZING to dance in.
But before that I had gone to clubs in winter weather, so it was either, sacrifice warmth getting in and out of the place, or feel comfortable in and out and extremely uncomfortable and stupid looking bundled up inside.
I have a low tolerance for the cold though, I think it's because I'm so thin, so I have no meat on my bones to support me.
I need a coat made of whale blubber obviously.

My plan for my two days off this week, buy some new stuff. Or, thrift and buy some new old stuff.
I love a good thrift store day, I'm thinking this specific day will need to be dubbed something, but I have yet to decide.
And seeing as how I have Thursday and Friday off, I have at least two days dedicated back to back to actually completing outfits.
I always do that, I have amazing individual pieces, but sometimes they just DON'T GO with anything else, it's frustrating.
And I KNOW it's suggested that you should shop for outfits, but sometimes things just scream out at me and I have to buy it up, only to have it hang on my closet rod forever.
Lame, lame, lame.

I wish we had an H&M in Houston...
(sigh)

Judy our manager had her own Employee Appreciation Day today and bought all of us that work at the store pints of ice cream from Cold Stone.
I got dibs on one of the two Rocky Roads she got, mm, marshmallows.

In other news : I still get pissed off when I remember Pushing Daisies was canceled.
Super lame.

End.

[.74]

2009-07-13T03:38:26Z

Augh.
A nearly twelve hour work day all for some extra overtime!
Lame, lame I tell you.
I went in at 9:30a and got out at 9:15p.
Usually it would require me leaving at 5:30p and returning at around 8:00p.
But our manager asked (more or less told) if I wanted to just stay through from when I was supposed to get off originally.
And I said yes, because it's sort of like...mandatory overtime.
Either way, I am EXHAUSTED. That and my lunch was at one, so I went nearly seven hours with only a cupcake to survive on.
Muh.

I enjoy the extra dinero yes, but man, that whole going that long straight is just not something my body is used to anymore.
Back when I worked at Payless, yes, but that was a smaller store and a hell of a lot less physical labor.
Here though, it's lugging boxes for seven hours, and then lugging more boxes for that three and half overtime.
Ah well, next time I'll tell her I need to go home and just return.
That money will look pretty sweet on the next paycheck though. :D

I've seen Daniel 5 out of the past 7 days.
But have only had sex 2 out of those 5.
This numbers look and sound awful to me, I feel like it should be 5 for 5.
You know, ideally.
This situation must be remedied, immediately.
By the way, I do not count multiple sex acts during those two times as individual sex.
I like to lump sum my actions.
Therefore, the definition of sex could equal multiple sex acts with breaks in between.
Like :
sex + sex + hour break + sex + dinner + sex + sex + snack + sex = 1 sex.

........

I'm too tired to do make believe math right now.
I will now be returning to my chicken rings and iced tea.

The end.

[.73]

2009-07-09T07:09:53Z

Man people are getting more and more awful coming into the store to sell books.
Which sort of makes sense.
The economy is shit, so people are looking for that desperate extra way to make a dollar, and it makes sense to sell books to a place that offers cash.
The thing is,
we're getting this MASSIVE INFLUX of books, that we're having to offer less and less for the books that we CAN keep.
We're getting super picky,
because our customers are getting super picky.

It's like, they want a used book that looks BRAND NEW for the price of used. And so the folks bringing in those 80 paperbacks with MAJOR spine wear, are getting like...ten bucks, when they used to be able to get like 40.
I am frequently getting customers who get snobby and mean when their offer is low, but refuse to understand that, I have, 800 paperbacks waiting to be put out on the shelves, so I really don't need your 30 old Danielle Steels. Really.
I don't.
I had one gentlemen come in with about six books, four hardcover/trade paperbacks and two worn paperbacks.
So I offered him around seven bucks, it was a lot of stuff we get in often. And he got SO FUSSY.
He kept making that astonished scoffing sound and then...
came to the conclusion...
That instead of taking the seven bucks (CASH mind you), he would be better off, just GIVING THEM TO ME TO KEEP.
What the fuck?
You just left your six books I was giving you CASH MONIES for, for me to RECYCLE?
I didn't get it, I think I stood there with my mouth open like a fool trying to figure out what the hell had just happened.

Anyway, the point of this is to give a quick run down of how we buy books at HPB, in case you're thinking of selling.

- It's a cash offer based on the condition of your books (no ripped and bent pages stained with juice please!) and supply and demand. If I have 5 Stephen King's Desperation, that have been there four months, they're not selling, so I really can't pay top dollar for another.

- We will FLAT OUT REFUSE to look through any books if there is ANY evidence of bugs. Roaches, spiders, and especially SILVERFISH. They would eat all our books.

- It's a percentage of the price we will put it out for as well as how fast we think it will sell. If ultimately it ends up going to donate, then we lost whatever we paid you for it. So it may sound like a wimpy offer, but we can't offer 5 bucks on a book we put out for 7.98 if it never sells and we have to donate it.

- The price we offer is also VERY variant on the store itself and what they sell more of, if one store has more of the artsy indie type coming in, they're probably going to offer more for that type of merchandise but may also pay a lot less if they are over saturated by it as well.

- What we can't buy, we'll usually let you know, you can take it back if you want or leave it to be donated or recycled. Contrary to what I've read, we don't take all your stuff and throw it in a dumpster. We actually donate the stuff we can't use but is in ok condition. Recycle what's left. And if there's anything else, like books with plastic (kid's books) or buggy books, we will toss in a trash dumpster. (PLEASE DON'T DUMPSTER DIVE AND TRY TO BRING THE BOOKS BACK IN TO SELL, THEY WERE IN THE TRASH FOR A REASON. WE'RE NOT STUPID.)

- Basic and easy way to know if your stuff is in alright condition, look at it and ask "Would I buy this if I saw it on shelf for 5.98/3.48?" 5.98 is a pretty average price for hardbacks/trades. And half of paperbacks is always what they go for (generally 3.48 to 3.98).
If your answer is any of the following :

God no.
Hell no.
I wouldn't even buy this as a gift.
Maybe.
Only if it was on clearance.

Then you probably don't have anything of great value on your hands.
Sorry.

With that said, DON'T YELL AT THE PERSON BUYING YOUR BOOKS.

T_T

[.72]

2009-06-27T07:17:59Z

Okay, so maybe since I moved into the apartment I spend less time in front of a screen
and more time reading.

But dammit, I miss the internet.
I feel all in a different world, a twilight zone.
I guess it also doesn't help that my television is not all, digital.
So therefore, I get no news.

I AM IN A TWILIGHT EFFICIENCY APARTMENT ZONE.

So of course I am remedying it with a dose of the good ol' net
this coming Tuesday.
Finally.
Relief.
No more having to lug my laptop to my mom's whenever I am in the area
to steal internet bits.
I'll finally have some idea of what's going on outside of my door as well as have a nice dose of
useless information and websites.
Like, icanhascheezburger.com.
What the hell, I don't know why it makes me laugh as hard as I do.
It's working at Half Price, all those cat fanatics at work have rubbed off in the most awful of ways.
I can't even appreciate a nice fluffy cat strolling on the street, now I have to imagine it with outfits
or a stupid saying floating above its head.
Woe.
WOE!

The end until I get my own internet.

[.71]

2009-06-02T07:42:17Z

You know, one of my pet peeves I have come to realize are those folks that leave comments that slam a particular book, blog, actor/actress, claiming "it was a waste of my time to read this." But then you realize that they just took the time to either a.) finish the article or b.) jump to the conclusion of the article.
It just seems so ignorant to me. They say they wasted their time and "feel less intelligent for reading this," so why did they even keep on past the first sentence or paragraph? And then follow up their ignorance with leaving a rude and discouraging review or comment?
When they could be spending that time appreciating something that they do like?

People are backwards.

What is even worse, are those folks that read an article, and then have to SUBSCRIBE to leave comments, just to slam someone.
What the hell? Don't you have something else to be doing? Like a job?
Or making dinner?
Or you know, giving some head?
Something useful I mean.

I spent Saturday night with an old friend, Christina. Christina is one of those people that comes and goes in my life
but every time she comes back in, it's like she never left. No matter if it's been months or years, it's like we reconnect so easily and it's great. I think it's because we've been friends for ages, so it's like, we spend two visits with each other catching up
and then all is well in the world of us.
It was a good night, I picked her up from her dad's apartment, which he claims has a lot of "Negros." Which then made me laugh, because he's black. Drove to the Galleria, ate way too much at the Chili's in there, and then we walked around and couldn't commit to buying anything.
Even the cheap stuff.
It's like, really, fourteen dollars?
Not that we would spend the fourteen dollars on anything else but food that will only leave us with a little extra weight to remind us where our money went...
Drove around, and pretty much ended the night with a stop at Carmen's 24hr Boutique. Where I realized that I am equally thrilled with the thought of owning every dildo, flavored lubricant, and set of anal beads as I am with the thought of owning soft sweaters and useless knick-knackery.
There's just something exhilarating about owning things that you are proud of. Especially when you can pull them out at any moment and be "why yes I own this, it's amazing, and we will have an exciting time."
...well maybe you can't say that with a sweater...but be creative!

I move in this Friday.
I am nowhere near packed (still).
And I'll probably just shove everything into a car or two, and then shove it out on the doorstep of the apartment.
Whatever is easiest man.

The End.

[.70]

2009-05-28T05:10:37Z

I did not realize that I have only eight days until I am supposed to move into the apartment.
Seriously?
Only a week + 1?
Where the hell have I been mentally?

While I think I did some sort of sad attempt at packing, I now realize that all I actually managed to do was make a massively ugly mess throughout my room. Only of course to be overcome with the excitement that in the new place, I'll actually have a place to put all my stuff.
Ahhh.
I am already anticipating all the $$ that will be going to new clothes to fill up the closet rods.
Because empty spaces on a closet rod are just plain sad.

So Wednesday night concluded with a bizarre conversation with the Bear.
After some just plain weirdness, I was informed that he does not believe that I love him just yet.
Which of course hurt, pricked my in all sorts of tender spots in a not so kind way. But I have come to terms (after hours on mindless shopping and driving around) with it. And I do understand where he's coming from too.
After everything with the Doctor, well, it makes sense, Bear is incredibly different.
And where I was once used to shitty anxious feelings, I am now incredibly happy and comfortable, that his thoughts that I am thinking I love him because I am in an actual happy relationship have some ground.
I know he's wrong though.
After nearly three months of constant togetherness, I am neither tired, annoyed, frustrated, or angered by him. I get excited every time I see him and boy do I miss him when he's gone.

I know that this intense feelings in side my gut, are more than just "I really like you" feelings.

But he says it needs "time." And okay, I am more than willing to stay in this until he realizes that what I have said is true.
I asked him if he thought it was worth it to stay and find out,
he said "yes," and that's all I really needed to hear.
I mean damn, I know he loves me, I feel it all the time (and no, I'm not just talking about his penis).
And I am excited for the day that it dawns on him, that I've felt the same way about him for the longest time.

p.s. craigslist is failing me on finding a bed... lame.

[.69]

2009-05-17T05:49:33Z

You know, I still make smiley faces when someone comes into the store and has the number 69 in their driver's license # or phone #.
Because at heart I am still 12.

I was approved for my apartment, hurrah. I go in to sign the lease on Tuesday and my move in date is in fact the first of June. Go me. All I need to do is pay the first month's rent + deposit. And set myself up some electricity. Sounds like what my bonus check will be put towards. I'm crossing my fingers that they come
in this week, hopefully Monday?
I have heard that they never come on a pay week, and last Thursday/Friday was our payday, so they have this week and only this week and I demand my extra free money for having done very, very, very little throughout the past three months.
It's like
"Thanks for showing up to work and not setting it on fire."
And I'm all, "thanks for acknowledging that fact."
I should also probably in an ideal situation use some of that money for a bed....
You know, since I like sleeping in them.

My birthday is this coming Wednesday, how exciting
if all goes well, and I live to that day, I will have made it to my 22nd birthday.
I will probably celebrate by attempting to eat an entire cheesecake.
Mmm.
Cheesecake and Taco Cabana and my Bear shall be my birthday dinner.
Yum.

[.68]

2009-05-13T07:55:54Z

I am so lame about updating this.
Seriously.
I get all involved in doing basically nothing, when I could be doing something .05% productive on the internet.
Bah.

I think I may be moving sometime soon, if all goes well with the application I put in I think my move in date is June 1st. Which is pretty awesome for me.
Yay.
I'm a grown up.
And I'll just be moving into town, but staying where I am at work, the drive isn't so bad considering that I am going against traffic both in the a.m. and the afternoon. So yay, I can point and laugh at all the suckers that are coming in and out of town while I am going the opposite way.
SUCKAS.

Things with Daniel are WAY amazing, in a strangely non-anxiety sort of way.
I swear, we've had three arguments in more than two months over the fact that I'm a weird non-communicator and he likes to know how I feel and what's wrong.
I am getting better though, I'm learning to speak up and speak out. I like the feeling of it.
Especially the feeling that nothing I can say will offend him because he's going to listen first,
unlike the Doctor. Where you never knew when he was going to bite your head off.
And until now, was actually pretty mediocre when it came to sex.
Seriously, Bear and I have wickedly amazing sexual activities.
My crazy appetite for the naked canoodling is definitely satisfied. Mm.
He's so open about it all, unlike the other, where it once felt like a weird awkward once every few months sort of job,
this currently feels like
an almost daily trip to Africa to pet lions and jump off mountains.

And while I do make comparisons between the two, Michael has yet to even come close to the way that Daniel is. It's scary, that I let myself remain so miserable for all those years,
and here, it's been just over two months of time spent with someone
who has shown me how ugly 3+ years were. He's sweet and painfully attractive. Oh the warm fuzzy love!

In other news, we went to Austin a few weekends ago to see Franz Ferdinand.
It was just as wonderful as the first time I ever saw them here in Houston for their first album's tour.
All epic and juiced up, not like steroids, but like, electrified.
There is just something that will always remain exciting about older men who act like young boys jamming to their own sound.
Mmm...like Depeche Mode. Oh, David Gahan how your hips move so seductively for a guy who is a billion years old.
...
I fantasized off.
Anyhoot,
I should be off to bed, I have a daytime date with my fellow today, and I want to get some beauty rest so I can look damn fine when we're doing it.

THE END.

oh and for the p.s.

my house + bear + tiny cat army = my life.

[.67]

2009-04-08T07:01:06Z

i am far too anxious about meeting bear's friends than i should be,
i just feel at such a disadvantage because the one person i really want him to meet now (seeing as he's already met lizz)
doesn't even live in this state.
dammit chris come home, for half a second.
this is important to me.
it really is.
you're supposed to be here to judge him and maybe make him feel inadequate, unless he doesn't,
then that might makes this a very serious thing...

so, boy is this relationship good for me,
my family has commented to me about how i'm in a much better mood than i ever was with the doctor.
and i can see that,
with the doc i was always anxious, and panicky, and treading lightly because you just never knew what would set him off.
with daniel, it's like i can smile and laugh and joke and it always feels fine and good. i love it. i love him.
yeah yeah.
i do.
he loves me back, hell he said it first.
so whatever with your OH IT'S TOO SOONs and your GOD YOU'RE CREEPYs!

oh man, and for the past..what, two to three weeks i have been involved with only one other thing than my loving bear.
damn GTA : San Andreas. whatever at you "wtf you're still on a ps2 and on GTA: SA?"ers, it came into the store and someone priced it at a lovely price, and so i took it home and IT'S SUCKING OUT MY SOUL.
WHY IS IT SO DAMN MASSIVE?! i can't believe everytime i go to check my game completed percentage, i'm at like

32.41%.

screw you thug life. i didn't know it took such dedication to do drive-bys and shoot up homies.
so to you thugs out there, i commend you and your persistance.
ha.
whatever.

GET A REAL LIFE.

like i should,
DAMMIT GTA.

[.66]

2009-03-25T02:20:37Z

Someone needs to rent an apartment with me,
for i am too lazy to look for one for just myself.
what if i get lonely?
what if i get bored?
what if i want to wander around naked with the chance of my roommate happening upon me making mac 'n' cheese in the microwave?

Then again,
what if I want to be alone?
what if I just want to sit and be fat?
what if I want to wander around naked and dance in the living room freely with no consequence?

oh what a difficult decision to make.
you know other then trying to find an area of houston where i won't be shot and killed on the spot
because some mentally ill fellow wants a go at my '97 saturn with no a/c.
there are some fools out there i tell you.
fools.

[.65]

2009-03-13T09:13:06Z

oh my.
oh my indeed.

in only a week's time, i went from no sort of sexual activity since august
to having a significant other again.
ridiculous i tell you.
ridiculously awesome.

minus the fact that he is a co-worker.
i can't help it,
where else am i supposed to meet people? the school i don't attend?
the bars i hate going to?
the clubs where it's so dark you're just looking at shadows of people only to be disgusted to the point of throwing up in your mouth when the lights are on?
no thanks.
he's just my sort of cute.

anyway,
here's a short timeline :

sunday march 1st - he bought me a piece of cake.
monday - i texted him in the wee hours of the a.m. about how amazing the piece of cake was. he suggested cuddling after work the next day. ...am i naive about what definition of cuddling? when did it start meaning sex?
tuesday - yay sex.
wednesday - i mulled over the choice i had made.
thursday - he requested to come over, and i was hesitant as i live with TOO MANY people in my house, but he brought flowers, and proceeded to ask me on a real date.

and good lord, from then on we've seen each other every day (minus yesterday because we're dead tired from 3 a.m. up lateness)
and he made it clear that he wanted me to be his girlfriend. and i agreed.
i'm excited.
he's very, very, very cute.
and the sex is pretty damn fine.
i'm still wary about his endearing personality, it's like, real people don't say sweet things like he does.
so i'll step carefully, but damn, it makes my jaw ache with how damn cute he is.
my mind might explode.
and those last two sentences weren't innuendos, but they might as well have been.

ah.
the end.

[.64]

2009-02-18T07:58:13Z

wow.
i went a really long time without wandering on this way.
somehow i've become increasingly socially active, which is strange for me.
usually, i can do one or two social events, and need one or two WEEKS of relaxing.
but that might have been in the recent prior life of mine,
where social events were far and few
and exhausted me.
but now they have become a regular in my life, so my body has adjusted and adapted.

current positives :

got the chance to see the Millionaires live last friday. they had a pretty amazing show given they didn't play a long set. well worth the $ to get in, i enjoy their catchy/irritating/ridiculous lyrics and beats. one of the best myspace bands i've heard in awhile.

i finally got my driver's license, which involved me just getting up really early one friday
and having my sister's boyfriend take me to the DPS. i did pretty sweet for having only slept four hours and having never driven his car before. win for me.

...
uh actually i think that was it.
most of the positivity is coming from that license getting, and my mom willing to sign the title of the car into my name.
i'm just waiting for my next paycheck + bonus check + tax refund to come in to get all that jazz done.

woo.
driving of course will mean
that i will be spending a hell of a lot more money.
because man, even in consignment shops i start racking up that skrilla, UNKNOWINGLY.
i can't help it.
getting thrifty can get expensive.
oh but you stupid prints and stretch fabrics, YOU JUST CATCH MY EYES.
and soft fabrics.
put me in any store and i will harass the clothing with my fingertips, because if it doesn't feel soft, well worn, or silky on my skin i DO NOT/WILL NOT want to have anything to do with it.

that was the end of my rant.

[.63]

2009-01-12T10:11:59Z

i was overcome with that frustrated feeling that i often get at a job i'm working.
and it's my own personal issue.
i start to stress about my performance, if it's really that good or if i am imagining it all.
i think it's why i tend to burnout easily...
i start stressing and stressing and then, i haven't the energy to keep on.
stupid stupid, i know.
but i have weird esteem issues when it comes to my work performance, i want to be amazing and i know i set my own standards too high.

but when you find out that people are not visually seeing what you know you're doing,
it kind of rolls over you like a truck.
i know it's stupid, and i am appreciated by others (my teammates are pretty boss)
but if i even know of a slight failing or shortcoming i freak out.

i am freaking out.

i also feel dangerously angry about it all.
and everything that is falling out of his mouth just prickles my skin and sets my tongue on fire with all the words i have to hold back.
sometimes i am afraid that i will mentally think all the words too hard,
that someone will be able to hear them.
that would be terrible.
i would probably get arrested.

i really do just need to calm down, it's a slight hump in the road
and i know i am no slacker. i also know if i do what i have done before, i will end up hating this job and feeling at a loss of what to do.
and i don't want to do that.
i don't feel the i deserve to do that to myself.
i'm just going to try and breathe through this, it's a temporary thing.
if people have true frustrations with me they should be bringing them to me, not spilling their thoughts to others so i hear it through a chain of folks.
screw that.
i am going to try and assume that if no one is telling me to work harder and faster,
that i am doing a decent job.

dammit.
yeah.

[.62]

2009-01-06T07:58:07Z

one of the best things to come out of christmas presents?

uh my james dean cutout yes.

[.61]

2008-12-22T09:27:06Z

can FDB be anymore ridiculous?

perhaps i AM a bit casual when it comes to certain things in my life,
but that may be because others are very no nonsense and oh so very serious about particular topics.
i will openly express my feelings and issues towards having a soul mate, love, sex, unfair business, family, money, et cetera.
but that does not necessarily mean that i want solutions..

it sounds sort of contradictory to say what i'm about to say, especially in here.
but i will not openly express my feelings about the things that are extremely sensitive in my personal life to just anyone.
the difference with this here, is that all you folks that read this, are mainly strangers that have give no real second thought to the activities or ideas that i write about here.
and that's good.
i get it off my chest blindly to an audience of what is probably two people and i do not have to worry about the consequences it could possibly bring in my

real
life.

so for a co-worker to find it "awkward" and "private" that i talked about my joy of being a new aunt
and for having someone so close to me i consider them a soul mate.
is insulting and offensive.
if you haven't been able to grasp me in the three months we've associated with each other, to know that i casually talk about the things that i find make up my personality (and that i take pride in and am grateful for),
then you need to take a lesson in casual and serious topics.
the first time i ever really talked to him, he was sitting in the break room crying, and proceeded to spill a little bit of his guts.
to me.
whom he had never talked to prior.

the hypocrisy of it all
is that couple of weeks ago i had that terribly bad day
and word vomited at him about all the shit that was wrong.
and to have him tell me that "i'm always here to listen."
well now jacob, what the hell is kosher for me to say to you? stuff that makes you feel better
about your own life?

i am currently frustrated by this turn of events.
jerk.